Halloween jokes are a fun way to keep a party alive. Start telling them as soon as the first pumpkins appear on porches around the neighborhood.
Everyone enjoys good jokes, and most of these Halloween-themed jokes are fit for kids or adults. Just beware, the best Halloween jokes are spooky and witchy.
140 Best Halloween Jokes for a Hilariously Spooky Holiday
Halloween Dad Jokes
Halloween dad jokes are crowd-pleasers. But don’t be surprised if you get a lot of eye rolls in return – and not the spooky kind.
- How do you mend a jack-o’-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
- What monster plays tricks on Halloween? Prank-enstein!
- What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash
- How do gourds grow big and strong? Pumpkin’ iron.
- What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre? Pulp fiction.
- When do cows turn into werewolves? During the full moooooon.
- Why is a cemetery the best place to write a story? Because it has so many plots.
- Why did the pumpkin take a detour? To avoid a seedy part of town.
- Who’s in charge of the candy corn? The kernel.
- Why was Cinderella bad at football? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
- Why did the Headless Horseman go to school? He wanted to get a-head in life.
Halloween Knock-Knock Jokes
Halloween knock-knock jokes are an idea for kids. They are easy to remember and they keep the mood spooky yet light.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Creep. Creep who? Creep it down, you’ll wake the dead.
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Ice cream! Ice Cream who? Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Howl. Howl who? Howl-ween is here!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Eddie! Eddie who? Eddie body home? It’s Halloween!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood, blah!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Boo hoo, don’t make a ghost cry.
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Bob. Bob who? Bob for apples! It’s Halloween.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Gwen. Gwen who? Gwen do you think Halloween will be here?
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Ivana! Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ash. Ash who? A zombie with a cold.
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Orange! Orange who? Orange you glad it’s Halloween?
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you has my candy?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Frank! Frank who? Frankenstein!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Bean. Bean who? Bean waiting for Halloween all year long.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who? Avery scary ghost! Run!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream at zombies.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Minnie. Minnie who? Minnie people love Halloween.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Eddy. Eddy who? Eddy-body will do for a zombie.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Bat. Bat who? Bat you don’t know who’s knocking!
Skeleton Jokes
Halloween skeleton jokes are great for breaking the ice. They tend to be mild and perfect for all ages.
- Why can’t skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs.
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the scary movie? He didn’t have the guts.
- Do you know any skeleton jokes? Yes, but you wouldn’t find it very humerus.
- What did the skeleton bring to the cookout? Spare ribs.
- What do you call a skeleton who lays around all day? Lazy bones
- How do skeletons start their cars? With skeleton keys.
- Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
- How do you know a skeleton is sick? He’s coffin.
- Why did the skeleton laugh? Something tickled its funny bone.
- Why don’t skeletons skydive? They don’t have the stomach for it.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument? The trom-bone.
- Why did the skeleton put on a sweater? It was chilled to the bone.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite song? “Bad to the Bone.”
- Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have no body to love.
- Why’d the skeleton go the grocery store? Its pantry was down to the bare bones.
- Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
- How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones.
- Where does a skeleton go for a fun night? Anywhere, as long as it’s a hip joint.
- Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
- Where did the skeleton keep his money? In the crypt-o market.
- What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
- What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow? A numb-skull.
Witchy Jokes
Witchy Halloween jokes are a favorite for Hocus Pocus fans. If you’re dressing as your favorite Sanderson sister, check out these.
- What should you get a witch on her birthday? A charm bracelet.
- Why do witches drink beer? They enjoy a good brew.
- How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.
- Where do witches park? In the broom closet.
- What do witches’ study in school? Spelling.
- What’s a witches’ pick-up line? Hey, you’ve got hex appeal!
- What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry? She flew off the handle.
- What’s the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which.
- What do you call a witch with a rash? An itchy-witchy.
- Why does a witch ride a broomstick? So she can make a clean getaway.
- What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing? Get a broom!
- Did you hear about the witch that got school detention? She was ex-spelled.
- What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch!
- Why did the angry witch leave her broom at home? She didn’t want to fly off the handle.
- Did you hear about the witch that couldn’t find work? It was a dry spell.
- What do you call two witches who live together? Broommates.
- Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
- What do witches get when their shoes are too tight? Candy corns.
- What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts? I don’t know, but it’s not working.
- What’s a witch’s favorite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
Halloween Jokes About Zombies/Mummies
Halloween jobs about zombies and mummies are similar. Both are ‘undead’ creatures that are common in Halloween movies.
- What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling
- Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
- Do mummies prefer white bread or wheat? Neither, they always prefer a wrap.
- Why did the mummy TP the tree? He needed somewhere to hang his clothes so he could go skinny dipping.
- What do you call identical zombie twins? Dead ringers.
- Did you hear about the angry zombie? It got bent out of shape.
- Did you hear about the zombie who bought a new car? It cost an arm and a leg.
- Did you hear about the zombie recital? The performance knocked ‘em dead.
- Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch? He couldn’t spell.
- What’s a mummy’s favorite thing about Christmas? The wrapping paper.
- Did you hear about the zombie that took a nap? It was dead tired.
- What did the mummy film director say? That’s a wrap.
- Why did the zombie lose the argument? It didn’t have a leg to stand on.
- How do mummies tell their future? They read their horror-scope.
- Where should you hide if you’re being chased by zombies? The living room.
- What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music.
- Why did the zombie get fired? It missed its dead-line.
- Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
- Did you hear about the zombie the lost the race? It came in dead last.
- Where does a mummy go on vacation? The Dead Sea.
Vampire Jokes
Vampire jokes are good choices for those watching Dracula on Halloween or rewatching The Vampire Diaries. You may notice a trend relating to blood and bats.
- Why don’t vampires get invited to parties? They’re a pain in the neck.
- What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.
- Did you hear about the vampire romance? It was love at first bite.
- How can you spot a wealthy vampire? It has blue blood.
- Did you hear about the new vampire laptop? It bytes.
- Why did the vampire get glasses? It was as blind as a bat.
- How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
- Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
- What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
- Did you hear about the crazy vampire? He was totally batty.
- How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
- Why did the vampire go to the dentist? It had bat breath.
- Why are vampires bad at art? They are only able to draw blood.
- What shouldn’t you serve a vampire for dinner? Steak.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of dog? A bloodhound.
- Why did Dracula take cold medicine? Because he was coffin too much.
- What do you call vampire siblings? Blood brothers.
- What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
- Did you hear about the vampire feud? There was bad blood.
- What does the vampire’s Valentine say? You’re just my blood type.
- What happens when vampires get mad? It makes their blood boil.
- Where do vampires deposit their paychecks? At the blood bank.
- Why do vampires avoid the cold? They don’t want to get frostbite.
Ghost Jokes
Halloween ghost jokes are classic. All you need is a white sheet and a good sense of humor to set the mood for a ghost joke.
- How do ghosts predict the future? They check their horror-scope.
- Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
- Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.
- Why don’t ghosts lie? Because you can see right through them.
- What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A night-mare
- Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
- What do ghosts wear if they can’t see? Spooktacles.
- How do ghosts apply for jobs? They fill out apparitions.
- Why did the ghost cross the road? He wanted to return from the other side.
- What did the ghost say when he realized he’d been cheated? I’ve been bam-BOO-zled!
- What do ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing cream.
- Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
- What do ghosts use to style their hair? Scare-spray.
- How do you know you’ve been ghosted? The poltergeist doesn’t text you back.
- What room does a ghost not need in a house? A living room.
- How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo-hooing.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
- Why are ghosts terrible liars? You can see right through them!
- Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? They have a lot of spirit!
- What do ghosts drink? Ghoul-aid.
- Why don’t ghosts do standup comedy? They always get booed.
- What kind of rocks do ghosts collect? Tombstones.
- Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.