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140 Best Halloween Jokes to Have Everyone Laughing

By Elisha Baba


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Halloween jokes are a fun way to keep a party alive. Start telling them as soon as the first pumpkins appear on porches around the neighborhood.

140 Best Halloween Jokes to Have Everyone Laughing

Everyone enjoys good jokes, and most of these Halloween-themed jokes are fit for kids or adults. Just beware, the best Halloween jokes are spooky and witchy.

140 Best Halloween Jokes for a Hilariously Spooky Holiday

Halloween Dad Jokes

Halloween dad jokes are crowd-pleasers. But don’t be surprised if you get a lot of eye rolls in return – and not the spooky kind.

  1. How do you mend a jack-o’-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
  2. What monster plays tricks on Halloween? Prank-enstein!
  3. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash
  4. How do gourds grow big and strong? Pumpkin’ iron.
  5. What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre? Pulp fiction.
  6. When do cows turn into werewolves? During the full moooooon.
  7. Why is a cemetery the best place to write a story? Because it has so many plots.
  8. Why did the pumpkin take a detour? To avoid a seedy part of town.
  9. Who’s in charge of the candy corn? The kernel.
  10. Why was Cinderella bad at football? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
  11. Why did the Headless Horseman go to school? He wanted to get a-head in life.

Halloween Knock-Knock Jokes

Halloween knock-knock jokes are an idea for kids. They are easy to remember and they keep the mood spooky yet light.

  1. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Creep. Creep who? Creep it down, you’ll wake the dead.
  2. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Ice cream! Ice Cream who? Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
  3. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Howl. Howl who? Howl-ween is here!
  4. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Eddie! Eddie who? Eddie body home? It’s Halloween!
  5. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood, blah!
  6. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Boo hoo, don’t make a ghost cry.
  7. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Bob. Bob who? Bob for apples! It’s Halloween.
  8. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Gwen. Gwen who? Gwen do you think Halloween will be here?
  9. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy!
  10. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Ivana! Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood!
  11. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ash. Ash who? A zombie with a cold.
  12. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Orange! Orange who? Orange you glad it’s Halloween?
  13. Knock Knock. Who’s there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you has my candy?
  14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Frank! Frank who? Frankenstein!
  15. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Bean. Bean who? Bean waiting for Halloween all year long.
  16. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who? Avery scary ghost! Run!
  17. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream at zombies.
  18. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Minnie. Minnie who? Minnie people love Halloween.
  19. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Eddy. Eddy who? Eddy-body will do for a zombie.
  20. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Bat. Bat who? Bat you don’t know who’s knocking!

Skeleton Jokes

Halloween skeleton jokes are great for breaking the ice. They tend to be mild and perfect for all ages.

  1. Why can’t skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs.
  2. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the scary movie? He didn’t have the guts.
  3. Do you know any skeleton jokes? Yes, but you wouldn’t find it very humerus.
  4. What did the skeleton bring to the cookout? Spare ribs.
  5. What do you call a skeleton who lays around all day? Lazy bones
  6. How do skeletons start their cars? With skeleton keys.
  7. Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
  8. How do you know a skeleton is sick? He’s coffin.
  9. Why did the skeleton laugh? Something tickled its funny bone.
  10. Why don’t skeletons skydive? They don’t have the stomach for it.
  11. What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument? The trom-bone.
  12. Why did the skeleton put on a sweater? It was chilled to the bone.
  13. What’s a skeleton’s favorite song? “Bad to the Bone.”
  14. Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have no body to love.
  15. Why’d the skeleton go the grocery store? Its pantry was down to the bare bones.
  16. Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
  17. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones.
  18. Where does a skeleton go for a fun night? Anywhere, as long as it’s a hip joint.
  19. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
  20. Where did the skeleton keep his money? In the crypt-o market.
  21. What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
  22. What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow? A numb-skull.

Witchy Jokes

Witchy Halloween jokes are a favorite for Hocus Pocus fans. If you’re dressing as your favorite Sanderson sister, check out these.

  1. What should you get a witch on her birthday? A charm bracelet.
  2. Why do witches drink beer? They enjoy a good brew.
  3. How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.
  4. Where do witches park? In the broom closet.
  5. What do witches’ study in school? Spelling.
  6. What’s a witches’ pick-up line? Hey, you’ve got hex appeal!
  7. What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry? She flew off the handle.
  8. What’s the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which.
  9. What do you call a witch with a rash? An itchy-witchy.
  10. Why does a witch ride a broomstick? So she can make a clean getaway.
  11. What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing? Get a broom!
  12. Did you hear about the witch that got school detention? She was ex-spelled.
  13. What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch!
  14. Why did the angry witch leave her broom at home? She didn’t want to fly off the handle.
  15. Did you hear about the witch that couldn’t find work? It was a dry spell.
  16. What do you call two witches who live together? Broommates.
  17. Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
  18. What do witches get when their shoes are too tight? Candy corns.
  19. What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts? I don’t know, but it’s not working.
  20. What’s a witch’s favorite makeup? Ma-scare-a.

Halloween Jokes About Zombies/Mummies

Halloween jobs about zombies and mummies are similar. Both are ‘undead’ creatures that are common in Halloween movies.

  1. What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling
  2. Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
  3. Do mummies prefer white bread or wheat? Neither, they always prefer a wrap.
  4. Why did the mummy TP the tree? He needed somewhere to hang his clothes so he could go skinny dipping.
  5. What do you call identical zombie twins? Dead ringers.
  6. Did you hear about the angry zombie? It got bent out of shape.
  7. Did you hear about the zombie who bought a new car? It cost an arm and a leg.
  8. Did you hear about the zombie recital? The performance knocked ‘em dead.
  9. Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch? He couldn’t spell.
  10. What’s a mummy’s favorite thing about Christmas? The wrapping paper.
  11. Did you hear about the zombie that took a nap? It was dead tired.
  12. What did the mummy film director say? That’s a wrap.
  13. Why did the zombie lose the argument? It didn’t have a leg to stand on.
  14. How do mummies tell their future? They read their horror-scope.
  15. Where should you hide if you’re being chased by zombies? The living room.
  16. What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music.
  17. Why did the zombie get fired? It missed its dead-line.
  18. Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
  19. Did you hear about the zombie the lost the race? It came in dead last.
  20. Where does a mummy go on vacation? The Dead Sea.

Vampire Jokes

Vampire jokes are good choices for those watching Dracula on Halloween or rewatching The Vampire Diaries. You may notice a trend relating to blood and bats.

  1. Why don’t vampires get invited to parties? They’re a pain in the neck.
  2. What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.
  3. Did you hear about the vampire romance? It was love at first bite.
  4. How can you spot a wealthy vampire? It has blue blood.
  5. Did you hear about the new vampire laptop? It bytes.
  6. Why did the vampire get glasses? It was as blind as a bat.
  7. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
  8. Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
  9. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
  10. Did you hear about the crazy vampire? He was totally batty.
  11. How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
  12. Why did the vampire go to the dentist? It had bat breath.
  13. Why are vampires bad at art? They are only able to draw blood.
  14. What shouldn’t you serve a vampire for dinner? Steak.
  15. What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of dog? A bloodhound.
  16. Why did Dracula take cold medicine? Because he was coffin too much.
  17. What do you call vampire siblings? Blood brothers.
  18. What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
  19. Did you hear about the vampire feud? There was bad blood.
  20. What does the vampire’s Valentine say? You’re just my blood type.
  21. What happens when vampires get mad? It makes their blood boil.
  22. Where do vampires deposit their paychecks? At the blood bank.
  23. Why do vampires avoid the cold? They don’t want to get frostbite.

Ghost Jokes

Halloween ghost jokes are classic. All you need is a white sheet and a good sense of humor to set the mood for a ghost joke.

  1. How do ghosts predict the future? They check their horror-scope.
  2. Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
  3. Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.
  4. Why don’t ghosts lie? Because you can see right through them.
  5. What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A night-mare
  6. Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
  7. What do ghosts wear if they can’t see? Spooktacles.
  8. How do ghosts apply for jobs? They fill out apparitions.
  9. Why did the ghost cross the road? He wanted to return from the other side.
  10. What did the ghost say when he realized he’d been cheated? I’ve been bam-BOO-zled!
  11. What do ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing cream.
  12. Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
  13. What do ghosts use to style their hair? Scare-spray.
  14. How do you know you’ve been ghosted? The poltergeist doesn’t text you back.
  15. What room does a ghost not need in a house? A living room.
  16. How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo-hooing.
  17. What’s a ghost’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
  18. Why are ghosts terrible liars? You can see right through them!
  19. Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? They have a lot of spirit!
  20. What do ghosts drink? Ghoul-aid.
  21. Why don’t ghosts do standup comedy? They always get booed.
  22. What kind of rocks do ghosts collect? Tombstones.
  23. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.

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