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I Hate My Mom

By Emma Davies


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Relationships with mothers can often be hard and sometimes you find that you’re constantly angry with your mother, perhaps sometimes for no reason at all, or maybe there’s something rooted deeper. A lot of teens have thought this when they’re upset about something not going their way and looking back, they may not have meant it.

I Hate My Mom

But for some people, hating their mother is the norm and sometimes it’s for quite a good reason as some mothers can be quite toxic. Unfortunately, this happens to a lot of people, and having the attitude of hating your mother can be exhausting as a mother is meant to be someone who is caring and warm.

Lots of people may hate their mother because they’ve fallen short of their role or the kid’s expectations of a mother but the reasons behind hating your mother can be quite complicated so let’s take a look.

Why Do I Hate My Mom?

If you are struggling with feelings of hatred towards your mother then it’s a good idea to break it down to the main reason why you hate her. This list is designed to help you determine why you may hate your mother and then we’ll move on to some tips to help you manage your hatred.

  • Your mother may be abusive or neglectful – Unfortunately, a lot of people go through this one and as a result, hatred is quite a common feeling to have. Believe it or not, it is possible to get past this feeling of anger and hatred. But if you’re not ready then that’s understandable as abuse is hard to deal with.
  • Your mother is overprotective – Despite being loving, some mothers can be overprotective and it may feel as if she’s attempting to control every aspect of your life. If you were raised whilst your mother had emotional problems then this is quite a normal one. You may find that you feel as if your rights have been violated by her and she’s constantly overstepping your boundaries. So, you may find some sort of hatred and hostility towards her because of this.
  • You didn’t have enough attention as a child – A mother’s job is to raise you, look after you, and care for you. So, maybe some of the reason you hate your mother is because you didn’t get this as a child, causing you to be a more hostile adult. You may have also been required to grow into an adult a lot quicker than you should have.

Why Is My Mom So Mean?

There are many reasons as to why your mother may be mean to you. This could be anything from mental health problems to loneliness.

  • Mental health issues – Your mom may have mental health issues and so she may be struggling to get that special connection with you. Because of this, you may find her to be uncaring or mean but her mental health may come as a priority to her. So, if you feel like maybe mental health is why she’s mean to you then you should encourage her to find help to get it sorted. This will also mean that you can build a relationship with her again.
  • Control issues – Mothers who are mean will often have control issues and so this could explain why they’re not as kind to you. The truth is, mothers with control issues will often want to control and dictate your life and can’t get their head around your independence.
  • Lacking parenting skills – The truth is, it’s really not easy being a mom or a parent for that matter. There’s no handbook or guide to follow and it’s kind of just throwing you into the deep end.. If your mother hasn’t made any effort to parent you then she probably hasn’t made any mistakes to learn from on the way meaning she’s lacking in parenting skills.
  • Your mother could be a narcissist – This is something you may want to consider as your mother could quite possibly be a narcissist, hence why you could feel as if she’s being mean to you. Narcissism is a personality disorder and often there’s no way around it. If your mother is truly a narcissist then you may find that she lacks any empathy and finds it hard to make attachments with you or other people. Some mothers who are narcissists may have been pressured to have kids and so they lack the parenting skills that they need to be good mothers.

How Do I Manage If I Hate My Mother

Feelings of hating your mother can be really difficult to work through and you might feel like you’re stuck in a situation that you can’t improve but that isn’t the case.

The first thing you need to do is set strict and clear boundaries with your mom. This will help you both know where you stand and if the feelings of hatred have come from your mother not listening to what you need then this can really help. You probably feel angry when your mother ignores your boundaries which is completely normal so make sure she knows this is what you need in order for your relationship to survive.

Another thing you should try and do is practice self care. This will most likely be a draining process for you so you need to make sure you look after yourself whilst you go through it. This doesn’t necessarily mean going for a walk or having a bath like you’re used to being told. Instead, this might mean doing things like telling your mother you need space if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed or letting her know that you don’t want to attend all the family gatherings. Doing things like this can really help your mental health and might help your relationship in the long run.

Signs of a Toxic Mother

There’s also a chance that your mother could be very toxic so you should make yourself aware of some of the signs using our list to determine whether your mother is toxic or not. So what are some of these?

  • Doesn’t respect your boundaries.
  • She may overreact if your opinion is different from hers.
  • She may intentionally hurt you with her actions or her words.
  • She may refuse to apologize for her wrongdoings.
  • She may put your accomplishments down.
  • She may make demands of you that are excessive.
  • She manipulates you to get whatever she wants.
  • She’s self centred and doesn’t care about you or your feelings.
  • She’s constantly criticizing you for being physically or emotionally hurt.
  • Her love is conditional and will vary from time to time.

How to Overcome Feelings of Hatred

Having feelings like this can be draining, especially if you don’t know where they’ve come from. But there’s no need to worry too much because there are lots of things you can do to try and help your relationship with your mom.

Self reflect

The first thing you can do is self reflect on why you might be feeling like this. Try and think why you might be having these feelings. Is there anything your mother has done that’s sparked these feelings or is it something you feel has always been there? Journaling is a great way to help understand your emotions if you’re not quite sure how you’re feeling. Maybe take a look at some of these questions and see if they could help you understand some things about your feelings.

  • Did your mother’s parenting style cause you to hate her?
  • Did you feel like your needs aren’t being met?
  • Was there a certain situation that led to these feelings? – If so, what do you need in order to move forward?
  • Do you feel like your boundaries are always being ignored?

You might find that once you answer these questions, you can really narrow down where these feelings have come from. You might also be able to save the relationship on your own if that’s what you want because you’ll be able to see exactly what’s caused the hatred and what you need in order to feel better.


If you already know where these feelings of hatred have come from then you might be able to start forgiving in order to help your relationship. This is a massive step in getting the relationship back to what it was before these feelings started happening.

A big thing to remember about this is that it’s completely up to you when you decide to forgive your mother for whatever it is that’s made you feel this way, it isn’t something that has to happen straight away. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you completely forget about what happened, it’s happened and has clearly had an effect on you so it’s important to remember that. Forgiveness just means you don’t let those feelings have as much influence over you.

I Hate My Mom So Much

There are many reasons as to why you may hate your mother and your mother may be quite toxic which explains why you may hate her. If it’s a problem with her mental health then it may be worth considering talking to her and trying to get her to see someone – you could always go together.

But, if you’re not ready to fix the situation or it feels like your mother has hurt you beyond what you can forgive then it’s completely normal to be angry or upset with her and not wanting to forgive.

About Emma Davies

Emma Davies is a freelance writer that specializes parenting and animal topics. With over 20 years experience as a parent there are very few topics that faze her.

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