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100+ Christmas Jokes That Will Sleigh

By Elisha Baba


Updated on

Christmas jokes are one of the best ways to keep spirits high at Christmastime. Start telling them early to get them all in.

100+ Christmas Jokes That Will Sleigh

Whether you’re telling your family your favorites or keeping everyone in a good mood before Christmas break at work, these festive jokes are there for you throughout the holiday. There’s more than enough jokes for the 12 Days of Christmas here.

112 Christmas Jokes to Spread Holiday Cheer

Funny Christmas One-Liners

  1. By the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas song, your home is crammed with 23 flying Birds and 50 hyperactive Humans.
  2. Cash is the one gift everyone despises and no one turns down.
  3. There’s nothing like the joy on a kid’s face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
  4. If you’ve seen one Santa, you’ve seen a mall.
  5. I’m releasing a holiday song called, “All I Want for Christmas is my Parents’ Freaking Wifi Password.”
  6. My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It’s $100 on me and $500 on her.
  7. This is that exciting time of the year when I find out what I’m getting my wife for Christmas.
  8. Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
  9. My ability to turn holiday joy into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into weight gain.
  10. There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
  11. A perfectly managed Christmas correct in every detail is a sure sign of someone who hasn’t enough to do.
  12. Last year’s holiday weight, meet this year’s holiday weight.
  13. Tis the season to awkwardly walk by someone ringing a bell.

Christmas Dad Jokes

  1. What is green, covered in Christmas lights and Christmas bulbs, and goes ribbit? A mistle-toad.
  2. How do sheep say Merry Christmas to each other? Fleece Navidad.
  3. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet!
  4. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The 18.
  5. What’s every elf’s favorite type of music? Wrap!
  6. What’s the absolute best Christmas present? A broken drum — you can’t beat it!
  7. Christmas alphabet has Noel.
  8. How does a snowman lose weight? He waits for the weather to get warmer!
  9. Why did Frosty’s girlfriend break up with him? He was a total flake.
  10. Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
  11. Why did the turkey join the band? Because he had the drum sticks!
  12. What carol is heard in the desert? ‘O camel ye faithful!’
  13. Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh!
  14. What did Santa give his reindeer with a stomach bug? Elk-a-seltzer.
  15. What do you call a snowman who likes to take tropical vacations? A puddle.
  16. What is Santa Claus’ laundry detergent of choice? Yule-Tide.
  17. What’s the Grinch’s least favorite band? The Who!
  18. What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!
  19. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? “I’ll never part with it!”

Christmas Jokes for Kids

  1. Did you hear about the ski trip? It started off fine, but went downhill fast.
  2. What do you call a snowman with no arms or legs? A snowball.
  3. What does Santa use to clean his sleigh? Comet.
  4. Why is it so cold at Christmas? Because it’s in Decembrrrrrr.
  5. What did one snowman say to the other? You smell carrots, too?
  6. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
  7. What do fish sing during the holidays? Christmas corals.
  8. 41. Why is the Grinch such a good gardener? He has a green thumb.
  9. What do Santa’s elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
  10. Did you hear about the ski trip? It started off fine, but went downhill fast.
  11. How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.
  12. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!
  13. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps!
  14. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph.

Santa Jokes

  1. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker.
  2. How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm? His sleigh is flown by raindeer.
  3. What was Santa’s favorite subject in school? Chemis-tree!
  4. What is Santa’s favorite kind of candy? Jolly ranchers.
  5. Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill? Jack Frost.
  6. What do you call a broke Santa Claus? Saint-nickel-less.
  7. What’s Santa’s favorite fruit? (Sugar)plums.
  8. Who’s Santa’s favorite singer? Elfish Presley.
  9. Where do Santa’s elves go swimming? The North pool.
  10. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Crisp Kringle.
  11. What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause.
  12. Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can “ho ho ho”!
  13. How do elves respond when Santa takes attendance? “Present!”
  14. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house!
  15. How do you know when Santa’s around? You can always sense his presents.
  16. How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer.
  17. What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”? Santa walking backward!
  18. Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him!
  19. What did the soccer announcer who made the naughty list get from Santa Claus? Coal!
  20. Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
  21. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
  22. What’s Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip? Crisp Pringles!
  23. What is Santa’s primary language? North Polish.
  24. What kind of motorcycle does Santa drive? A Holly Davidson!
  25. What’s red and white and falls down chimneys? Santa Klutz!
  26. What did the English teacher call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

Christmas Tree Jokes

  1. What was the Christmas tree’s favorite shape? A treeangle!
  2. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!
  3. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? They have too many needles.
  4. How did the two rival Christmas trees get along? They signed a peace tree-ty!
  5. What do they sing to Christmas trees at their retirement parties? Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow…
  6. What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Orna-mints!
  7. What month does a Christmas tree hate the most? Sep-timber!
  8. What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed? It started his own branch.
  9. How do Christmas trees get their email? They log-on.
  10. What did Luke Skywalker say after he planted a Christmas tree farm? May the forest be with you!
  11. Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson
  12. How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out? They spruce up!
  13. What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up!
  14. What’s as big as a Christmas tree but is lighter than a feather? Its shadow.
  15. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present’s beneath them.
  16. What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree? Christmas chopping!
  17. Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer? Spruce Springsteen.
  18. What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad? A pineapple!
  19. Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal!

Christmas Knock Knock Jokes

  1. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!
  2. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Christmas!
  3. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open til Christmas!
  4. Knock, knock Who’s there? Honda. Honda who? Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
  5. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Wayne. Wayne who? Wayne in a manger…
  6. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who? Avery merry Christmas to you!
  7. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive Christmastime, don’t you?
  8. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas!
  9. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Interrupting Santa. Inter– Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!
  10. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho who? Your Santa impression needs a little work!
  11. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Coal. Coal who? Coal me if you hear Santa coming.
  12. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for Christmas cookies!
  13. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Santa. Santa who? Santa Christmas card to you, did you get it?
  14. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good Christmas joke?
  15. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Elf. Elf who? Elf me wrap this present for Santa!
  16. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Chris. Chris who? Christmas is here!
  17. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Anna. Anna who? Anna partridge in a pear tree.
  18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey know how long it is until Santa gets here?
  19. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are here again!
  20. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly.

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