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100 Best Funny Family Quotes

By Elisha Baba


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Funny family quotes are relatable to people from all walks of life. No matter what kind of family you grew up with, you’ll be able to empathize with this collection of quotes about how funny families can be.

100 Best Funny Family Quotes

Below you’ll find a list of 100 of the best funny family quotes about vacations, reunions, siblings, and more. Keep reading for the perfect quote to describe your hilarious family members.

Benefits of Humor for Your Family

Being funny with your family members isn’t just a great way to spend your time together. The practice of humor with family can actually provide benefits to every member.

  • Eases social tension: Some of the angriest and most emotionally charged fights you have in life are likely to be with family members. Using humor regularly with family members helps reduce stress and ease tension between family members in a healthy way.
  • Promotes literacy: Humorous banter and exchanges in the household help children master language and make them more articulate when speaking.
  • Encourages intelligence and creativity: Humor is a skill that depends on intellect and creativity to work, so families that use it end up more intelligent and creative.

100 Best Funny Family Quotes

Funny Family Quotes

1. “Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.” – Jerry Seinfeld

2. “When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.” – George Bernard Shaw

3. “As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett

4. “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” – Chelsea Handler

5. “If you want to call a family meeting, just turn off the Wi-Fi router and wait in the room where it’s located.”

6. “Respect your parents. They passed school without Google.”

7. “Family: a social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.”

8. “I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?” – Jeff Lindsay

9. “There is so much I love about our little family, especially when they are all asleep.”

10. “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” – Erma Bombeck

11. “And then I thought to myself, what is the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

12. “‘Thomas,’ the boss said. ‘How’s your father doing?’ ‘He’s good, Sal.’ Always the family questions first. That was Sal Demenci’s style. He could be about to whack someone and he’d ask how the guy’s sister was doing in school.” – Gary Ponzo

13. “Within families, you’re stuck with the character they think you are, whatever you do. You become a war hero and all that your parents ever talk about is something supposedly funny you used to do when you were in nursery school.” – Nicci French

14. “You don’t have to be afraid of me. Eugene likes you. Doc likes you. That means I like you. We’re all family now. All the funny little people who live in the cracks of the world.” – Richard Cadrey

15. “Heaven makes you family, but a new generation of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors can make you friends.” – Gina Barreca

16. “Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood, so technically pancakes are more important than family.”

17. “My kids call it yelling when I raise my voice. I call it motivational speaking for the selective listener.”

18. “Family is like pizza. It’s messy, might give you a stomachache, and you can’t get enough of it.”

19. “I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.” – Fred Allen

20. “I’ve come to learn that the best time to debate family members is with food in their mouths.”

21. “I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.” – Anthony Anderson

22. “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.”

23. “Nothing better than spending the entire morning staring into my baby daughter’s eyes, whispering, ‘I can’t do this.'” – Ryan Reynolds

24. “Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were invented for.” – Ogden Wash

25. “I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.” – Wanda Sykes

26. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

27. “Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.” – Haim Ginott

28. “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain

29. “The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” – George Carlin

30. “Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl – no superior alternative has yet been found.” – Winston Churchill

31. “People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.” – Leo J. Burke

32. “All of the men in my family are bearded, and most of the women.” – W.C. Fields

33. “A family unit is composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.” – Ogden Nash

34. “Bleeding ulcers run in my family. We give them to each other.” – Lois McMaster Bujold

Family Quotes About Children that are Funny

Family Quotes About Children that are Funny
35. “Everyone knows how to raise children except the people who have them.” – M.J. O’Rourke

36. “Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.”

37. “Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat back word for word what you shouldn’t have said.”

38. “Parenthood: that state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage.” – Marcelene Cox

39. “The advantage of only having one child is that you always know who did it.” – Erma Bombeck

40. “Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime.” – Red Skeleton41. “If I ever had twins, I’d use one for parts.” – Steven Wright

42. “Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano

43. “Children really can brighten up a house because they never turn the lights off.” – Ralph Bus

Funny Family Quotes About Mom

44. “Good moms let you lick the beaters. Great moms turn them off first.”

45. “Nobody is more full of false hope than a Mom who places items on the stairs for her family members to carry up.”

46. “It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” – Betty White

47. “I know if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” – Jeff Foxworthy

48. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. – Calvin Trillin

49. When your mother asks for a piece of advice, it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no, you’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck

Funny Family Quotes About Siblings

50. “Siblings that say they never fight are most likely hiding something.” – Lemony Snicket

51. “Whenever anyone finds out there are seven kids in my family, they imagine my mom and dad having sex.” – Rachel DeWoskin

52. “Siblings: children of the same parents, who are perfectly normal until they get together.” – Sam Levenson

53. “Older siblings are like your parent’s personal science fair. They’re a bunch of experiments.”

54. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.” – Bob Hope

55. “The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” – Richard Brault

Funny Irish Quotes About Family

56. “May your troubles be as few and far apart as my grandmother’s teeth.”

57. “You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.”

58. “A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.”

59. “A family of Irish birth will argue and fight, but let a shout come from without, and see them all unite.”

60. “A son is a son until he takes up a wife. A daughter is a daughter all of her life.”

61. “As the big hound is, so will the pup be.”

Funny Family Vacation Quotes

62. “Family vacation: n. A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together.”

63. “I need a vacation so long I forget all my passwords!”

64. “Overpack. It’s why suitcases have wheels now.”

65. “No WiFi out here, but I found a better connection.”

66. “I need Vitamin Sea.”

67. “My favorite childhood memory is my parents paying for my holidays.”

68. “A family vacation is nothing to do and all day to do it in.”

69. “A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”

Funny Crazy Family Quotes

70. “In my family, crazy doesn’t skip a generation.”

71. “My family is temperamental. Half temper, half mental.”

72. “Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.”

73. “Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.” – Wayne Huizengo

74. “Families are just like fudge – sweet with a couple of nuts.”

75. “New Rule: The Jacksons must trot out at least one family member who doesn’t make us all ask, ‘What went on in that house?'” – Bill Maher

76. “Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, it’s probably you.”

77. “My family coat of arms ties at the back…is that normal?”

78. “You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid who acts just like you.”

79. “It’s like I always say – having a weird mom builds character.”

80. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” – Cary Grant

81. “Some of us were born into this family. Others were crazy enough to join by choice.”

82. “If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.’” – Jeff Foxworthy

83. “Our family is just one tent away from a full-blown circus.”

84. “In our family we don’t hide crazy, we put it on the porch and give it a cocktail.”

85. “Our shared family trait is crazy.”

86. “Insanity does not run in my family. Rather, it strolls through, taking its time, getting to know everyone personally.”

87. “A dysfunctional family is a family with more than one person in it.” – Mary Karr

Funny Family Reunion Quotes

Funny Family Reunion Quotes

88. “A family reunion is an excellent form of birth control.” – Robert Heinlein

89. “I love family reunions. Maybe next year we could pass out samurai swords.” – Doug Solter

90. “For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.” – Jeff Foxworthy

92. “If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that ‘Members Not Present’ and ‘Subjects Discussed’ were one and the same.” – Robert Brault

93. “Having a big family is a good way to make sure there’s always someone there to answer the phone and forget the message.”

94. “Heirlooms we don’t have in our family. But stories we’ve got.” – Rose Cherin

95. “If you don’t believe in ghosts, you’ve never been to a family reunion.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

96. “We are more than family. We are like a really small gang.”

97. “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” – Robert Frost

98. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”- Rodney Dangerfield

99. “Good News: The holidays are about family. Bad News: It has to be your own family.”

100. “Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”

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