Every family has its problems and there is not one perfect family in this world but when it comes to raising teenagers what was once an easy journey suddenly hits an enormous bump in the road. There are a whole host of things that need to take into consideration when it comes to a parent-child relationship.
If you think that your parents hate you no one is going to be able to give you a black and white answer to that question. Or tell you ws like differhy or even if they really do hate you. You will have to consider thingent personalities, parenting styles, and other factors that often cause parents and teenagers to butt heads.
Maybe you are being very rebellious, breaking rules, and getting into trouble and this is causing some friction. It might well be that your parents are struggling with your new sense of self and are unable to express this.
Whatever the reason it is worth sitting down and trying to talk about things. You could consider involving a third party that will help all parties see the other’s point of view.
How To Know if Your Parents Hate You
For most teenagers, your parents don’t hate you at all, in fact, they love you very much. But they are feeling upset, angry, and frustrated by your behavior. After all this is said there are some signs that may show that your parents are not fully invested in your life.
Signs Your Parents Hate You
There are a few signs that can help you to figure out exactly how your parents feel about you. It may just be that your parents are not very good at expressing their emotions while there are others who tell their children that they love them all the time.
But if you are considering that your parents hate you here are a few signs that may help you work it out once and for all.
1. Make Time for You
Parenting is a full time job in itself and when both parents work full time it can be a struggle to always make enough time to spend with your children. Parent guilt is a very real thing.
But if your parents love and cherish you they will always find a way to make the time to listen to you and catch up on how your day has gone. They may not be able to make every soccer match, school play, or recital but they will check in with every day. This may be just a quick chat over dinner or while washing up.
If your parents truly hate you they would not make the effort to make any time for you. They wouldn’t want to listen to how your day has been or be interested in it either.
2. Help With Problems
If you come to your parents with a problem are they keen to help you figure it out? Do they offer you helpful advice to sort out the problem?
But if your parents are disinterested in your problem or tell you to figure it out for yourself, this may be a sign that you are not your parent’s favorite person.
3. Follow Up on Problems and Concerns
When parents are responsible and have a good relationship with their children they will follow up on problems to see if you need any more help.
Parents that don’t follow up on their children’s problems to see if they are sorted, may be a sign that your parents don’t care much about you.
4. Are You Treated The Same As Siblings
This is not always a clear indicator that your parents hate you as all parents treat their children differently. Due to their age, disability, or even maturity.
One way to figure this out for definite is to do the same thing as your sibling and see if you get the same reaction from your parents as your sibling did.
5. Listen To your Concerns
Parents who love their children and have a healthy relationship with them will actively show up and be fully engaged when it comes to their children’s concerns no matter how trivial they may seem to them. They will help them to work out the best possible solution to the problem.
If they are downplaying your concerns and promise to make time for you and then don’t this could mean that they dislike you.
6. Telling Nasty Stories to Outsiders
All parents talk about their kids – the good, the bad, and the ugly stories get repeated to friends. But these are only repeated in passing and good parents tend to play more heavily on your great achievements.
Hateful parents on the other hand will continually repeat the ugly stories and may even exaggerate them in order to show how bad a kid you really are.
7. Can You Share Opinions With Them?
The relationship that a parent and child have is one that should be cherished and continually worked on. Being able to share your opinions without fear of judgment even when they don’t agree with them is a good sign that your parents and you have a healthy respectful relationship.
If you are unable to do this, then it would seem that your parents have failed in being able to provide you with a safe space to express yourself.
8. Physical Violence
Physical violence is never going to be the best way to solve an issue, especially between a parent and child. But we also know that parents are human and can just lose it sometimes.
But if physical violence is a regular occurrence for even the smallest mistake this is in fact physical abuse and you should seek help.
9. Name Calling
Parents and children who have a healthy relationship often embark on banter as a form of communication. But it never becomes derogatory or abusive.
Being called things like dumb, stupid, or fat is not ok and shows the negative relationship that you have with your parents.
If your parents often use these kinds of names for you then this is a glaring sign that you should be getting out of there as soon as possible.
10. How Do You Feel About Your Parents
How do you feel about your parents? Do you hate them?It doesn’t make you a bad person and is probably the result of many years of neglect and bad parenting.
It may not be easy to consider ever being able to forgive them for whatever you feel they have done to you. It will take time.
Signs of a Toxic Parent
If you feel that your parents are toxic then there are definite behavioral traits that they may exhibit. Some of these will include the following
- Overly controlling – Toxic parents will try to dominate and control every area of their teens’ lives.
- Emotionally abusive – They will use emotional abuse to control and manipulate their child. It can range from name calling to guilt or making their children feel ashamed.
- Physically abusive – Physical violence is often used as a discipline method.
- Neglectful – Toxic parents often do not meet their child’s basic needs of food, shelter, clothing, etc.
- Narcissistic – Often they are self-centered and their own needs are a priority even over their own child’s well-being.
- Inconsistent – Toxic parents are inconsistent in their behavior and expectations. One moment being supportive and loving and in the next breath abusive and nasty.
- Unrealistic expectations – This type of parent has high expectations for their children that are more often than not, not realistic or achievable.
Signs of a Toxic Teenager
You may be questioning whether are you to blame for the poor relationship you have with your parents.
Are you manipulating your parents to get your own way and in doing so creating issues?
If you are doing any of the following then you may well be manipulating your parents.
- Telling lies.
- Saying things that hurt your parents on purpose.
- Ignoring house rules ad curfews.
- Tantrum throwing.
- Being disrespectful for no reason.
Why Do My Parents Hate Me – Finding Common Ground
Saying that your parents hate you is something that every adolescent says at some point – it’s almost like a rite of passage. And it is definitely a difficult road to navigate for both parents and teenagers alike.
You may feel that your parents hate everything about you from what you wear to your friends and your hobbies. But remember your parents were teenagers in a very different world to the one you are growing up in. With that said you can still find some common ground.
Talking to your parents will help you find things that you have in common that you didn’t even realize such as comics, games, favorite books, or bands.
What to Do If Your Parents Hate You
If you are at the point where you truly believe that your parents hate you, then you may have to work out if you have a healthy relationship or not.
1. Discipline Does Not Mean They Hate You
Adolescents often think that because their parents discipline them for breaking the rules it means they hate them. This simply is not true. Rules are put in place to keep you safe and help you learn responsibility and consequences.
Remember there is a big difference between abuse and discipline.
2. Stresses Outside the Home
If your parents are acting out of character, then there may be things going on outside of the home that is affecting them. Something in work may have gone wrong, or a deadline is coming up.
Looking at your parent’s as just human beings who make mistakes and let things get on top of them can often help you understand that it’s not you that they hate but that there are other things going on.
3. Healthy Communication Methods
Being able to use healthy communication methods with your parents can help you both to express how you are feeling. This can be done by staying calm, taking a deep breath before answering a difficult question, and working on not becoming defensive.
If you need to it is ok to walk away when you become uncomfortable in the conversation.
4. Find Support Systems
Finding a good support system outside of the family is an important step. Speak to a therapist or school counselor about your concerns and how you are feeling.
5. It is Not Your Fault
Teenagers often resort to blaming themselves when they are unable to resolve family trauma. You are probably not the only person that has noticed that your family is a little dysfunctional. Try to spend more time with other family or friends as this will provide you with positive support.
Parents Hate Me
You may have found all the answers to your questions and realized that your parents don’t really hate you. But you also know that both parties have to work on healthy forms of communication rather than resorting to screaming and shouting.
If you still believe that your parents hate you and you are experiencing any form of abuse we would urge you to seek help immediately from a counselor or trusted family member.